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Attack of the Ass Bandits

Barry Lowe

Classic Paranormal

A Hammer & Anvil Paranormal Mystery

Who gives as ass about naked art?

When the city’s museum is broken into and priceless Greek, Roman, and Renaissance statues vandalized, the police are baffled as to the perpetrators and the motive behind the crimes. When the vandals issue their list of demands which includes the cover up of all naked male statues from the classical period and the Renaissance, they threaten to mutilate the city’s new artistic pride and joy, Leonardo da Vinci’s, Naked Boy with Olives, if their demands are not met. With the unveiling imminent of the newly acquired sculpture, the gallery’s curator finds evidence that the attacks are less than human and calls in the Paranormal Security Agency run by a vampire, Anvil, and his human boyfriend, Hammer.

eBook Cover Price: 0.99

Length: 8200 words

Gay,Vampires/Werewolves, Paranormal/Horror

Heat rating: 5


Our office was a small affair, deliberately chosen, so that our bulk appeared even more enormous inside it. Cute, eh? It seemed to impress the few people who’d wandered in off the street in search of us. We weren’t in the classiest part of town – too expensive – but we weren’t in the worst part either. We’d settled in a rabbit warren of corridors in what was once a sleazy part of the city until gays gentrified the area. Then the city council which owned a lot of the ageing shop fronts and small offices above decided the gay dollar might come in handy. It did for a while but when the ass fell out of the economy we were lucky to get a deserted three-room with waiting area and reception office for a peppercorn rent right in the middle of the community to which we most wished to appeal.

We had a reception area but no receptionist. The third office was full of boxes from the previous tenant that we’d never got around to throwing out. We didn’t really need the space until our business grew into it. Plenty of time for that, it seemed. The second office was our gym so we could work out and work off steam.

Our main office had a desk that was big enough for two – big enough for either of us to lie on our back with our legs in the air while the other pounded our ass. In the early months we did a lot of that simply because we could. Plus we got distracted easily because of a lack of clientele.

In fact that’s what we were playing at when there was a modest tap at the door before it opened and a nattily dressed middle-aged man entered. He gave us the once over without flinching, smiled, and said, “I can see I’ve come to the right place.”

I have to hand it to Hammer, he didn’t miss a stroke although he did pause in his fucking of me to look the stranger in the square in the eye, and ask, “Do you have an appointment?”

The corner of the gentleman’s eyes crinkled in amusement before he replied, “Obviously not.”

Hammer grinned. “If you’d like to wait in reception we’ll be finished here shortly.” He turned back to finish us both off.

“I’d prefer to watch.”

“Normally we don’t mind making an exhibition of ourselves, but not in front of a prospective client.”

“Yes, I do see your point.” He closed the door behind him.

“Smooth,” I said admiringly.

Hammer hesitated for a moment. “I hope we didn’t just lose a client. We could use the money.”

“Trust me on this one,” I said, thrusting my ass back against his substantial cock that had been flirting with my prostate prior to the unexpected interruption. My entire body tingled with the beginnings of a bellowing orgasm.

“Come for me, baby,” he whispered, even though there was no disguising the sounds we were making from anyone in the waiting room. Besides, he’d seen us with his own eyes.

About ten minutes later, having cleaned up the desk and our own bodies that were sticky with our lovemaking, we ushered the gentleman into the office. He was still smiling as he sat comfortably in one of the old leather armchair we had for visitors.

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